Paper Crafts by Kathleen

Last week I was unexpectedly taken from my normal routine and thrown into chaos so that fun could be had.  It’s crazy how that can happen with just a phone call.  My daughter auditions for tv/film from time to time.  I say from time to time because I can’t stand it and try to avoid it at all cost.  Most people think I’m crazy because “how cool is that!” but I’m not really cool with last minute changes of plans that potentially have the chance to derail my life for a few days, months or years.  I like stability and I like to know exactly what I’m going to be doing and when.  I can’t stand stage mom’s and have no desire to be one or even be around them.  BUT, this chance audition started out a routine thing and turned into something exciting cause I had the chance to go with Tessa to L.A.!

A passport was needed and I am thankful for my good time management skills and the ability to stay somewhat calm in the midst of panic and a conference call with two agents on a Bluetooth I was just learning how to use on a drive to every passport office in town while I had two kids in the back of the car.  I am also thankful my longtime friend Beatrice was at home making meat loaf  but was able to clean off her hands long enough to sign my passport info and get me to the next destination with good directions and a calm voice knowing that I was ready to snap.  People who have known me for a long time know it isn’t pretty when I snap so most try to alleviate the possibility.

The Richmond Passport office closes at 5:30 p.m. if anyone is interested and, if you waltz in with two kids flailing behind you at 5:25 p.m. this lovely little Asian man will say in a soft voice “Thank you for visiting the Richmond Passport Office just to let you know for next time we close at 5:30 p.m.”  I just looked at him with my exasperated look and said “I know; but it’s 5:25″.  The man at the next counter knew he was going to miss the start of the Olympic “big” hockey game (but not that gold winning game that came a few days later) and when I told him I was going to ask for the impossible and looked like I was going to cry if he didn’t give it to me he rolled his eyes and asked where my itinerary was. I told him it should be on his fax machine and looked at my husband with that look that said “that fucking fax better be on his machine”.   Husband just nodded to me that it was and, to my relief, it really was and I could finally breathe again.

The lovely man who had rolled his eyes at me when I arrived at his little counter turned nicer as he saw that the fax was from Warner Bros. Studios and then he told me I was leaving the next evening at 6:30 p.m. to which I responded “Thursday?  I thought I was going Friday!”  “Well, it says here you are on a 6:30 p.m. flight to LA tomorrow.”  and transferred me to the smiley processing girl who had a personality and a sense of humor and promised my passport would be ready at 3 p.m. the following day!

Going to L.A. for an audition is fun because, let’s face it, not many people get that chance and I was so proud of Tessas for just being her and having this opportunity to shine.  I was also excited because I knew I was finally going to meet Linda Woods and her husband Dustin oh, and lets not forget, the trip was paid for and who doesn’t like a free trip!

The passports were picked up from a personality-less passport agent and off to the airport we went. My daughter and I were off on an adventure and we knew the chance of getting “the part” was like playing the lotto so we were focusing on the adventure, the opportunity and meeting Linda and Dustin.  We found the stage mom and her daughter almost instantly at the airport as they had that look and it was confirmed when we got on board the plane and they were sitting practically beside us when she leaned over and said “Is your daughter auditioning for the part as well cause she keeps looking at my daughter?”  I responded in my I don’t want to be your friend but will answer your question voice “Yes she is but she actually recognizes your daughter from previous auditions.”  Turns out I would have to endure this woman and her stupid stage mom comments for my time in L.A. as she was staying at the hotel plus the girls had lots in common which, as it turned out on audition day, wasn’t a good thing for the other little girl’s head space as stage mom told Tessa not to talk to her daughter until after the audition.  Yes I gave her that are you fucking kidding me look along with the I really don’t like you look.  Being my daughter, Tessa is not at a loss for words and sometimes her words can be pointed so when the little girl kept talking to her she very kindly said “I don’t think your mother wants me talking to you so I probably shouldn’t”.  Yes I was smirking as I was trying to comprehend the voluminous contracts I had before me that were so overwhelming I was starting to sweat and it was then I realized I had forgotten to pack my deodorant!  I immediately texted Linda who I knew would understand the gravity of the situation but would also be laughing her head off at the thought of me without deodorant in a overwhelmed state.  She responded accordingly which made me smile especially since she even offered to pick me up some!  The horror of meeting someone who you already felt you knew but theoretically didn’t because you hadn’t seen them in person without deodorant after a sweaty situation doesn’t equal a good first impression.

All the girls made it through to the second set of auditions and we had a break in between so we were able to have a walk around the Warner Bros. Lot which was totally cool.  We saw what was left of the ER set and all kinds of cool t.v. stuff.  The cafeteria or commissary as they called it was huge and full of so many choices.  The sizes of some of the servings floored me.  Just huge. Tessa was happy just to take pictures with her camera and check out the gift shop. She bought her close friends little gifts with her own money too!

Auditions ended and all went well.  I was extremely proud of Tessa and all of the girls who auditioned as they handled themselves beautifully in front of the heads of two big networks.  Stage mom unfortunately put her foot in her mouth several times and you really wanted to try and pull it out for her but really…it seemed to fit so nicely so you didn’t.

We hooked up with Linda and Dustin at our hotel after the audition and, aside from hearing each others voices for the first time, it was like meeting an old friend and the two non huggy people hugged!  We had brought a few goodies for Linda and Dustin from Canada and they bought us some cool CSI t-shirts and the most delicious Trader Joe peanut butter cups and dark chocolate pretzel.

Linda and Dustin were so kind and drove Tessa and I around to Hollywood and the Universal City Walk.  We had such a great time; photos were taken and food was eaten.  As all good things do, it had to end but not without a picture in the hotel bathroom.

After enduring breakfast with stage mom and her daughter the next day, who was now allowed to talk to Tessa, we boarded the plane, exhausted but thrilled with the opportunity we just had.  Tessa got her wish of a window seat and as such we got a amazing view of all the giant mountains below as well as Mt. St. Helen’s.  As I said, we were exhausted. Although Tessa did not get the part, neither did stage mom’s daughter.  To the little girl who did get the part, who I have to say, other than Tessa, is a great fit for the part, I wish you well, keep your head on straight you seem to be a natural.  To your Mother, I am so glad it’s you carting your kid to set every day and not me!