Kelly!

I went to see Eat Pray Love with my pseudo-sister Kelly to celebrate her birthday; the one approaching that she doesn’t want to talk about but I’m so excited to celebrate when December comes around!  Kelly had read the book.  I have never had an interest in reading the book and quite honestly have never even picked up the book to read what it was about.  Well, it has been well talked about in the media, so really, I never needed to open it anyway to know what the end epiphany would be.  The concept has always reminded me of the movie Shirley Valentine from years ago.  She had an epiphany too but her’s was shorter, more like screw you husband I’m going anyway.  It was blunt and not fluffy.  I enjoy blunt and not fluffy.  That’s not to say I didn’t enjoy the movie as it was nice to be at a movie that wasn’t a kids movie and a chick flick with a great chick!

So, during the eat part I followed suit and ate my popcorn quietly.  The woman beside Kelly was NOT eating her popcorn quietly but chewing quite like a cow.  She had that fixated look on her face while her hand was on auto-pilot to the popcorn bag and in her mouth, her mouth never closing.  Kelly was unimpressed.  I was marvelling at the fact I was eating popcorn and really wishing it was the spaghetti that was on the screen because damn it looked sooo good!  Nothing ever prepares you for a close up of Julia Roberts crying – not that she was crying and eating because I don’t recall she did that but it just needed to be said.  So while Julia ate her way through Italy without getting laid once (WTF?) I was craving spaghetti and pizza.

She moved on from Italy to India where it confirmed my thoughts I never wanted to go there – sorry Bill!  The paper lanterns and beautiful saris were amazing.  While in India, I giggled every time she had to meditate as I understand the inability to block out life and truly find the calm.  Also during India, because it was the pray part of the movie and I had finished eating my popcorn, I started praying.  The loud chewing woman beside Kelly was still chewing loudly.  Kelly asked if it would horrify me if she asked her to stop chewing so loud.  This is where my praying began.  I was praying the woman would NOT chew so loud so Kelly wouldn’t ask her to stop chewing so loud because I would be horrified.  It got close to getting verbal and I suggested to Kelly she move to the other side of me.  She did and then I started praying harder because the chewing was really loud and annoying and Kelly’s new seat had a talking chair kicker behind her.  Thank God we moved on to Bali because I was getting a headache from praying so hard.

In Bali I marvelled at the hippy-like clothes which scream comfort and everyone having fun dancing.  It made me miss my dancing girlfriends and reminded me I needed to get out dancing soon.  Loud popcorn chewer had turned into a crier and I couldn’t quite understand why she was crying and the chair kicker was asked to not kick the chair, in a nice way, and turned to talking loudly and gasping and things that most people know are “movie magic tricks”.   A few giggles and funny smirks were passed between Kelly and I especially the moment she sighed from boredom and I thought she turned into crier girl.  Ahhh nothing like laughter between friends while others were captivated trying to figure out their epiphanies.

My epiphany wasn’t an epiphany at all more so a confirmation that I didn’t get the movie as it seemed the balance everyone searches for really doesn’t exist and I am not one bit romantic.  I spent many years balancing on a beam that was 4 inches wide and hurt when you landed wrong.  Perhaps, spending those years balancing you find the quiet within as you are concentrating because you don’t want to fall.  In life, we are forever not wanting to fall.  I find standards are set way above normal and everyone is competing against something to no avail.  No one wins in this.  I never try to find balance I simply live and try to be the happiest I can.  We all know what pisses us off, most just never say it.  I tend to say it and mean it and although it isn’t understood at times, by saying whatever it may be, it gets it off my chest.  Too many people never say how they feel and wished they had.  I often wished I’d stopped speaking long before I do as I tend to say too much or something came out the wrong way – I’ll just chalk that up to the Sagittarius in me.  The end result, a fantastic closing song by Eddie Vedder that everyone should buy!

This all said, aside from the brief stint I did making pillows one Christmas when I lived with my friend Vicki I haven’t touched the sewing machine until Spring Break when I made myself a purse!  I decided to make it at Mom’s because she had all the tools and when I say tools I mean, the good machine, the proper ruler with weights so the fabric doesn’t shift and most importantly, to me…the seam ripper thing that pulls every stitch you just did incorrectly OUT!  Yeah, I ripped that purse apart several times before it was complete all the while my poor Mother sat in a hospital bed!  I think a part of her was happy I was back at her place sewing and the other part was laughing as I told her how many times I ripped apart my purse!The good news is I managed to finish the purse, love it and it is totally functional for not only my wallet but my camera too and the best part…it has yet to fall apart!!!

Anyway, Mom no longer sews clothes although she’s been seen mending things but her passion is making quilts and she makes beautiful quilts.  I am lucky enough to have a few but always enjoy going to her place and finding out who is getting which quilt for a gift for their birthday or Christmas!  I have always wished I could quilt.  Whenever I go into the quilting store with my Mom I am always captivated by the color of all those fat quarters tied up in bundles looking sooo much like bundles of paper I’d like to tear up and stick to journal covers.  At that moment, as I am looking at all that fabric I wish, for just a second, I could make a quilt.  Then, like a needle pricking my finger I am brought back to reality knowing full well I’d never get past making that first square.

As much as I know I will never make myself a quilt I still love the idea of quilts and how randomly some of them are pieced together.  When Pam came to visit she brought me a present.  It was the most perfect gift ever; a big bag of paper ends. As soon as I opened it I was delighted by all the different bits of paper put so perfectly together.  It reminded me of the fat quarters found in the quilting store.  The texture of these pieces all different, the designs amazing, the colors placed together perfectly.  I was not wanting to use them as I loved them so much.  Pam urged me to “use the fucking paper” and so I decided to make my first project to reflect my version of a patchwork quilt.  I loved using this paper.  It went on so well, no bubbling, it tore brilliantly and, before I knew it, my covers were made.

This journal will not be available in my Etsy shop but WILL be available to purchase September 18 & 19th at the 2010 International Village Gifts & Crafts Show along with many other one of a kind journals and canvases I have been busy creating. Soooo, mark the dates on your calendar and come by and say hello!

Between Friends created by Pamela Detlor & Glamma Gregory

I have done a bit of re-decorating and have purchased several new art pieces this summer from friends.  I feel so lucky to have such gifted and creative friends.

Freedom - Art created by Pamela Detlor & Linda Woods

Earlier this summer, I bought some art from my friend Pamela Detlor and hung it on my wall in addition to two Linda Woods originals I had from before.  I love them all and when I wake up and see my wall of art first thing I am delighted. It is the most perfect way to wake up.

One Wish

I also purchased a photograph from my friend Carrie Jackson.  One Wish is a print I have wanted for a long time.  She had her Etsy shop in vacation mode for a while and I was unable to purchase it.  Once Carrie decided to be back in business again I was quick to purchase this amazing photo.  I have a special fondness for dandelions; they remind me of Tessa as an infant.  She was known for the longest time to all our neighbours on our street as the dandelion picker.  Who knew she’d become allergic to the suckers!  In any event, Tessa loved to blow the wishes of the dandelions all the time.  I’m sure that’s really what the neighbours noticed was the abundance of even more of these lovely weeds in their yards!  Oh well, she loved it and was so cute too.  This photograph of Carrie’s is brilliant, the capture of just one last wish hanging on before it took flight into the breeze.  I shall look at it with not only fondness of memories of a young Tessa but for the future meeting between Carrie and I in the years to come.  If you had one last wish, what would it be?  Could you even narrow it down to one?  I’m not sure I could.

Namaste Peace Love - Print by Linda Woods

The other day I got more art in the mail, a print I loved at first sight.  I really wanted the original but, alas, Kathleen can’t always get what she wants so I settled on the print.  I have to say, Linda outdid herself with this brilliant art in my opinion.  The photograph, the colors, the words.  It is, to me, the most perfect art and arrived with amazing timing.  I have hung this piece in my room as well.  As I leave my room it will be the last thing I see, aside from my messy closet, and the words will remind me to live a good day.  That’s what I love about Linda’s art, her words are simple yet can mean so much.  Many would say, live a good life.  A life is a long time and we hope to live a good life but we have to get through each day first!  I love this and with the words namaste it reminds me I have been missing yoga as well as to find some assemblance of calm within that day –  not a lot to ask but on some days, hard to achieve.  I love my new art and those who created it.  I am so lucky to have such creative people in my corner.

My Etsy shop is currently in vacation mode as I prepare for the 2010 International Village Gifts/Crafts Show September 18th and 19th, 2010 so check out these ladies for amazing gift ideas or simply buy for yourself like I did!

When someone reaches the ripe age of 90 you know time is limited and as much as you wish that dreaded day will never come the reality is it will.  Whether it is a day away, hours or even years, we never know – quite like we never know when our time will end.  No one does.  That is the gift of life.

I try to live my life without much drama although these days it seems there is just too much surrounding me.  It has a choker hold on me at times and I find it stifling.  My kids have been away and I have had time for just me.  I went and saw my Grandma yesterday.  I often like to go out with my Grandma or my Mom just me, without my kids, so I can remember that I am a Grand-daughter and a Daughter as well as a Mom and a Wife.  It is the part of me I cherish as I know, being a Grand-daughter is limited to a few more years, if I am lucky.  I am so grateful to have my Grandma, so very lucky as she is truly the most amazing woman ever.  Her light shines so bright and yet at times in the last year I have watched as that light starts to fade.  It takes only a moment to make it shine bright again but still, those days where it has faded makes one think of how much you never want the light to truly go out.

I brought my camera with me to lunch but before we went out I went into my Grandma’s apartment and used the bathroom.  I looked around at the stuff on her counter and saw her silver lipstick holder. That lipstick holder is something that has lived on her counter for as long as I can remember.  I remember taking the lipstick from it and trying it on when I was just a little girl – putting it on in a glamorous way like I saw her do many times.  My Grandma, my Mom and I don’t often go out without lipstick.  I decided to snap a picture as I looked at that lipstick holder as something I wanted to remember always, with the tubes in it, as she would have used it.

Grandma had fallen days prior, her legs aren’t holding her up as they once did.  When she greeted me at the door she asked if I wanted to see her “tattoo” which turned out to be a giant black, blue, purple with a hint of magenta bruise on her upper arm.  I told her I thought mine were far prettier and likely hurt far less and thankfully her’s wasn’t permanent.  She said she was thankful she didn’t have to wear a bathing suit.  I said I was always thankful when I didn’t have to wear a bathing suit!  We laughed.  Her eyes lit up.

At lunch I brought out my camera and took this picture of her drinking her coffee.  I looked at it and noticed I have the same goddamn lines on my forehead.  They came from her.  We both ate the same burger for lunch and instead of the soup on the side that she had I had a salad.   I polished mine off in lightening speed.  She took half hers home saying “now I have another meal to look forward to”.  Then she did the unexpected, she asked for my camera and said “Show me how to work this thing.”.  I did, her crooked finger was placed on the button to click the shot.  I said “Look through the hole to see what you want to take a picture of.”  She said “Where’s the hole?”  I showed her.  I said, “Now when you see what you want to take a picture of, just click the button.”  She said, “I want to take a picture of you for a change.”  And so she did and I smiled the biggest smile ever and will hold these shots forever as once taken by her, on that day, when her light shone so bright and my heart was full.

We are forever evolving, as a society, as people and as individuals.  It is not something we can stop – it just happens.  Often we don’t see it happening and then there is that pivotal  moment and things shift and you being to see life before you has changed.  You can’t stop change; it is always there and often we don’t like it but sometimes change comes and we are ready for it because we saw it coming and we were prepared for it.  When this happens we often say change is good; however, when it doesn’t happen this way we hate it.  We adapt either way and hopefully learn and take from the situation what we can and move forward.  Relationships with people change.  It doesn’t matter if that relationship is with your spouse, friend or family member; we change, we evolve.

A lot of grocery stores have switched from plastic to paper bags thinking you can recycle them.  I, however, keep them.  I collect them for painting on.  I love transforming them from boring brown to bold and bright and then after I have admired my creations I tear the shit out of them and re-apply it to the chipboard surface and turn it into a journal for someone else to enjoy!

After having time away with my family on the Oregon Coast, I found my creativity and the desire to lose myself in it and got to work making art on paper bags and turned the paper bags into funky looking books.  What I love about these books is that the paper used to make the covers was created from the art I made on the bags.  Peace and Evolve are new sketch books in my Etsy shop!

People come in and out of your life as time passes.  I have been fortunate to have had a privileged and happy childhood; yeah my parents divorced when I was 15 but I see now they are far happier and I am thankful for that.  I couldn’t imagine going through life being miserable because it generally makes those around you equally as miserable.

They say women tend to come into their own as they approach 40 – that and stuff starts falling apart.  I think perhaps we have no patience left for bullshit and drama and so tend to just live.  When you have kids and they are small a woman tends to lose herself in all that is related to their children; we forget to be that fun loving girl we long for.  We lose touch with our girlfriends we spent Friday and Saturday nights dancing with.  We lose touch with those days ever happening again.

I cherish my friends and will move mountains if I could for many of them.  I want them all to be happy and have fulfilled lives.  We get one go around on this solid ground before our spirits leave our bodies to dance in the breeze above; to then provide little shimmers of our former selves to those left on the ground, just enough of a shimmer to let them know you’re still there.  I plan to not only shimmer for some but down right punch a few.

I was able to meet some women I have “known” for a few years now but finally got to hug them in person this past week.  It wasn’t strange and it didn’t feel weird in fact, it felt normal.  It may have sounded strange to some that I opened my house up to people I had never physically met but for me, I knew them as I talked to them daily, several times a day in fact.  They knew my life, they paid attention and they genuinely cared and I about them.

Pamela Detlor and I have an amazing connection through our dear best friend Glamma Gregory.   When Glamma was in Toronto I thanked Pam many years ago for being there for my  friend while he was east.  I have been chatting with her for two years now daily and we are connected through art, through friends and through the pages of a book.  As I now have Glamma back on home soil and with Pam’s visit West it was my turn to finally meet the woman who stepped into my shoes 11 years ago.  I didn’t pick Pam up from the airport that was Glamma’s job but I did meet her at yoga the very next morning and it was like falling into the arms of a long lost friend.  Sheer warmth.  I told Glamma that she was truly lovely and he said “she’s you, now you see why I love her so much”.  Pam and I must have walked through a life together or something because nothing seemed uncomfortable or out of place.  We were connected and it showed in how we interacted as it was all so easy.  We talked about our lives and encouraged each other to be the best we could and not fear our fears but embrace them as we had each other to lean on.  And, in true form, when either one of us got too sentimental the other said something funny and the depth of our conversation turned to laughter.

Singer/songwriter Sara Kamin, with her contagious laugh and cheerful disposition stood on the sidewalk at the airport with her guitar beside her.  I drove up, with Pam beside me and it was like we were picking up an old friend and yet I had never physically met her before.  Sara’s eyes tell stories.  She is honest, caring and genuine.  She gave many great performances during her stay, even one in my living room to many of my good friends which was so fun.  I felt so privileged to have her with me.  I noticed when she listened to the other “acts” she truly loved them, listened intensely, hearing every word that was sung.  Never once did she try to rip any of them down or say she was better than they were even if she really was.  She was gracious and appreciative to have had the opportunity to sing with others.  She is honest and open it was refreshing.

As we traveled to Victoria we were soon joined by two more and so there was five amazing woman sharing the same space which as many know could have been dicey.  Myself, Pam, Sara, Patience and Michelle all share pages in the same book.  What I noticed most was how well we all meshed with one another.  There was no cattiness, no competition as to who was better than the next but instead there was so much laughter, talking, eating and swearing that our stomachs truly ached from all the fun.  We were five woman who just wanted to have fun, to live our lives freely and openly.  It was the best sleepover ever in my entire life!

Woman can have the tendency to be bitches with each other.  We can often be hardest and most critical of each other and that sort of behavior starts in youth as I remember it well and see it with my own daughter.  I saw what real women with hearts of gold could be like, true friends who care and want what’s truly best for each other.  We are bonded for life in the pages of a book but also through our photos, our memories, the stories of bursting through closed doors to wake some of us up to the ease of all being on the same bed in our jammies talking.

I have only once had a difficult time saying good bye to someone and that was some guy I swore I’d marry when I was 21 from Hawaii.  I cried the entire plane ride home and then some.  I was a sniveling, snot filled mess.  I started crying the night before Sara, Michelle and Pam drove off to Portland as Sara sang “Watch Me” and the emptiness was felt as I ran through the trails of Mundy Park passing moments captured on film to last a life time as they drove away with tears streaming down my face the next morning.  I truly believe if women could all work together and be happy for the accomplishments of each other we’d have so much more joy and happiness in life.  It goes back through time how women have needed each other to the degree that men just don’t understand but as women, we get it.   It takes a lot to have me miss someone but I miss them a ton already, thanks ladies and clearly more fun will be had!

SOLD

There is something about running in the rain I love which is good because where I live it rains a bunch.  The rain I love best is when it’s just pouring not that misty stuff.  Sometimes I wear a baseball hat and sometimes I go without.  I run in the rain to feel.  The trail is usually emptier on those days and the trees act as umbrellas all around.  I often don’t avoid the puddles as I  enjoy splashing in them – unless of course they are the size of  lakes then I go around.  The mud will line the back of my legs, my shoes will be soaked but the feeling of having the rain coming down around me while I run is so freeing.  The air so fresh, the trails peaceful and my mind wanders until the music playing in my ears match the daydreams in my head and this is when creativity begins.  New running journals will be in my shop SOON.

This photograph was a bitch to finally get.  I tried several times while driving which I know was dumb but I wanted it.  I wanted the words not the sign with the symbol for merge.  There are a few of these signs around but usually they aren’t in a good spot to stop as traffic is merging!  I scouted out this sign and noticed there was also a pull out so, if the traffic didn’t stink I could actually pull off the road, hop out of my car and capture the shot without too many people turning their heads to see what the woman is doing taking a picture of a sign.  I wanted this sign so I had to have it because I’d been dreaming of a new journal.

When you dream, the reality of those dreams is often never realized because one thinks they are too far fetched or you have been told they will never happened.  Sometimes a window opens, just a tad, enough that you can squeak a dream through and the realization of that dream often feels as though it is touchable.  You want to hold your breath for fear that if you breathe out too much the path may change slightly.  I have a friend right now who has dreamed big and that dream is almost touchable and that is where the merge happens; the dream meets reality.

We all dream.  Whether they are dreams disguised as goals or the daydreaming what if type of dreams, we all do it.  Some, including myself, like to see dreams come true.  In some cases, those dreams do come true, like when I met Jann Arden and, in some cases, it’s a game of wait and see.  There will always be people who come into your life that don’t believe in your dreams, can’t understand your dreams and really aren’t huge supporters of making your dreams come true.  For me, I enjoy proving those types wrong and really work hard to show them I am above their negativity and will work extra hard for some dreams to be realized.  I believe in myself; I know what I want and what I don’t want in my life and because of that, I do think more dreams can be realized.  Sometimes our dreams feel like they are impossible and just being in the moment of that daydream where you can feel what it may feel like if that dream came true is a great feeling.   Sometimes, as we get closer to realizing that dream it puts us in that scary place of becoming real feeling, touchable…and that’s the merge when dreams meet reality and things come full circle.

Dreams Meet Reality is NEW in my Etsy shop!

I remember my first Mother’s Day as a mother.  It was horrible.  Tessa was just shy of one year old and was sick. I was bitchy and tired because she was sick and I had such high expectations that somehow because I was now a mother myself I would be able to do nothing because, after all, it was Mother’s Day.  I was let down and learned mothers never truly get a day off, I felt really fat and had an absolutely awful hair cut.  I’m pretty sure my husband wondered who I was and didn’t have a clue what he’d done wrong which was likely nothing at all but I needed to be a bitch to someone.

After almost 10 years of being a mother to beings other than a cat I have learned a few things:

I’ve learned that you don’t need to birth your own child to be a fantastic mother.

You can have a mother like influence in any child’s life that is looking for extra love.

You don’t need to like babies because that stage is sooo short but you do need to embrace that you are raising the next generation of adults.

Teaching children how to be independent starts at the beginning.  So go have that shower, your baby’s crying and may go to sleep if you leave it alone due to the soothing sounds of the water and, if not, turn your music louder.

Kids need to be kids so let them wear mismatched clothes and a thousand hair clips in their hair – even if they are a boy.

If your kid pukes non- stop for the first year of its life he or she better be cute and people should understand you are a hermit and a bitch all at the same time.

When you don’t breast feed a baby it doesn’t mean you are giving him/her a shitty start.

When you try and remember what your mother would have done in a certain situation you remember what your best friend’s mom would do instead because she had a huge influence on you as well.

Kids are smarter than most people give them credit for.  Be real.  If they bang their heads hard enough on the pavement their heads will split open like a cantaloupe – tell them so when they bitch about how their bike helmet is so not cool.

Mother’s are human.

Mother’s are women who can love other woman and provide two moms to some children.

Mothers make mistakes.

Mother’s often forget the girl inside who went silent when she became a mom.  Remember who she is, embrace her and make her come alive again.  It will do your kids good to see you as a real person.  They will know who you truly are.

My recommendation to all mothers, would be mothers, wannabe mothers, almost mothers, mother like aunts or just women in general do what you want at some point on Mother’s Day.  Treat yourself, eat some cake or sit and read a book.  Go find your best friend and have a coffee…just be.

My journals and art will only be sold at this Saturday’s Crafters Market (April 24th).  My Etsy shop will be put in vacation mode on Thursday, April 22nd to prepare for Saturday.  The items currently in my shop will be available for purchase at the Crafters Market as well as a few others I have created that are not in my shop. My shop will be back online, hopefully with a change in stock on Sunday, April 25th.  My friend Patricia will also be at the Crafters Market selling her beautiful jewelery and pottery!

I will also be having a give-a-way at the Crafters Market for a chance to win a copy of Meeting In The Ladies Room so if you haven’t purchased your copy yet and you are in the area, come on down and enter to win a copy.

Cherish the Thought is located at: 3130 St John’s St, Port Moody and the Crafters Market will be held in Unit #9 from 11-4!  Look forward to seeing everyone!