Paper Crafts by Kathleen

As I sit here my legs feel great.  Once standing though, my muscles and toenails are quick to remind me of my accomplishments on Sunday.  I ran my fifth half marathon ever on Sunday.  I have all the medals to prove it and my kids once again asked if I won the race when they saw me walk in with my medal around my neck.  I often wonder why I leave it around my neck but I’m pretty sure it’s because I’m too damn tired to remove it after they get it on.  I often wonder too, why I continue to do this to myself because, for me, a half marathon is not something I’m really good at.

I run to feel alive.  It is my own personal time to reflect, a therapy of sorts as I’ve learned the trees do not whisper my thoughts.  On my run this morning, which I’ll add wasn’t pleasant because my legs felt like lead, I got thinking about why I keep signing myself up for what seems like a personal failure each time.  You see, I know I can do better, I train with better times, I generally run faster on my own but get me in that “race” setting and I tank.  This morning was gorgeous and where I run is next to perfect, a trail amongst the most gorgeous trees and wild berries and I thought back to when it all began.

I started running about four years ago on my treadmill.  I had to take off that extra baby weight as I couldn’t stand being in my own skin as I just didn’t feel like me any more.  I always wished I could run, I’d see runners and think “damn I wish I was them” and I tried a few times that Learn to Run program without any success.  I could never get past running for a solid five minutes and gave up.  I don’t know what changed, perhaps it was simply the right time for me to start but this time it worked.  I continued to run on my treadmill and walk when needed.  Before I knew it my running outlasted my walking until I was solidly running.  God it felt good.  I was starting to feel “me” brewing inside again.  Having kids can take a toll on a woman as we tend to solely focus on being a mom and forget that feisty girl we once were.  That feisty girl…well she wanted out and was mak’n a comeback.  My goal was the Vancouver Sun Run which is a 10k and I never thought I would run that far without stopping but I did.  I remember trying not to cry as the finish line approached.  I did a few more 10ks after that, was training more, a little personal coaching from Leah always helps too and before I knew it I was signing up for a Half Marathon Clinic.  I remember running that 1/2 marathon with my friend Karen and thinking I was going to seriously die at about the 5k mark and, by the time I hit about 17k I was seriously questioning my sanity, but I finished it.  Bill and the kids were there as well as my Dad and I remembering hugging him after and just bawling.  This former gymnast, who’s longest run was a short, powerful sprint to the beatboard had just run 21.1k and is still standing.  My left wrist is tattooed to commemorate that personal achievement.  I look at it and I’m reminded of being able to do something I never thought I’d do.

I am not built for speed when it comes to endurance.  I can run rather quick for about 100-200m at best but distance, for me, is a challenge.  I continue to struggle and yet what got me this morning is why do I keep signing up for this distance of race.  It dawned on me… four years ago while running that first 10k, I hit that 5 k marker and thought, “yikes, this sucks”.  Sunday it took me until about 13k to really think it sucks and question my sanity.  As Oprah would say, “I had an A-ha moment”.  I improved, I have gotten better, that 5k marker is no longer my stopping point.  My parents didn’t raise a girl to shy away from a challenge.  In fact, my Mother always encouraged my inner strength to persevere and succeed.  My Dad, taught me all around sports and because of that I can throw a football better than most chicks.  I thrive on a challenge. I know this “racing” challenge will be conquered and that 2 hr mark will be mine. Once I made this realization I knew I was signing up for yet another kick at the can but… not until maybe February.

To Patricia who gave up her personal time goals to run with me, thank you.  It meant the world to me that we ran this one together.  To Leah, you are always a personal inspiration to keep running.  You continue to challenge me and not let me be defeated.  Running is not for everyone but it can be as I learned.  If you want something bad enough, just go after it.